So, I quit my job. Oh yeah, I got a new job. Did I mention that? Well, I quit it. It was too much stress, with everything. Plus, I'm not getting any younger. I'm kind of over stress. I'm kind of over the music industry. The entertainment industry. I noticed everyone looked haggard. I don't want to look haggard, nor do I want to have my life subsumed into some sort of manic death march, which is how I saw the people around me, regardless of how happy they claimed to be. It's done, I guess. Me and the music industry. Goodbye to those ten years.
Then, I wrote a children's story for a class and people liked it.
During all that, I really didn't talk to anyone for a while. Then I slowly started widening the circle of people I talked to. I'm still not all the way back yet. So, it's not just you.
Most of the time, I attempted to sleep (my sleeping is made of fail) and ate sparingly, but of much fat and sugar and salt. Did you know. . .well, I didn't know what would happen to my body if I only ate small quantities of chocolate and pizza every day and didn't exercise. It turns out that you lose weight and get flabby. Simultaneously!
It's been almost a decade since I've taken such a long break from exercising. I don't really feel like doing it now, either. Perhaps once I quit my job. I mean, once I get to leave. So, I gave my boss two weeks' notice, and she translated that into me leaving on 9/14, which is really sort of three weeks, but whatever. I don't have a job lined up after this. I just don't like work, so I decided that I'm not going to go anymore.
I'm also moving out of my apartment. I've been living mostly on my mom's couch for two months, which has caused a moderate additional amount of stress. Because: mom. Also: husband/father death. I don't think that moving in for srslys will help that much, but at least my rent with be slashed by 2/3rds.
Also discovered that my personal chemistry must be, itself, contraindicated to several medications; further discovered that large amounts of these medications, in exponential amounts to what was prescribed, can be taken with no discernible effect. This is discouraging, as I'd like to get a full eight hours of sleep at some point.
Comments
You sound at a very low ebb; I hope things improve. Maybe once you're over the residual stress from the job? Being miserable in your job can suck the life right out of you.
But with the sleeping thing, I have been there. Ambien CR worked for me, for a long time. It quit working after a year, and then my doctor just put me on Elevil, which is marketed as an anti-depressant, but is used off-label for insomnia/waking up frequently.
So there's my little medicine speel.